Inspired by this fascinating article about Google Search Trends (fun fact: most people need to know why their poop is green between 5am and 6am and 6pm and 7pm), I’ve taken it upon myself to research and answer some of life’s other big questions. Presented for your edification, here are the answers to the following pressing questions:
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- Why does God have some many billboards? I thought this was just a southern thing. I didn’t realize God had a national advertising campaign. Way to go God!
- Did my boyfriend just get married? (You really should read this. It’s a spoiler only to the poor girl who wrote the question that the answer is yes and it’s a gripping and heartbreaking look at the way we can all fool ourselves into believing something we want to believe. Also, what a dick!)
- Why do TV characters all own the same weird old blanket?
- How can I tell if I’ve got rhythm? I don’t. I guess I should ask for something more.
- Is or is not Diet Coke bad for you? I’m still not sure, but this article was one of the few I’ve read that examined the issue without a seemingly foregone conclusion.
- How can I learn to draw? Adding this to my bucket list. The 5-year old in the before example draws in a manner I aspire to.
- That’s interesting, but what’s a good technique to learn anything new?
- What would your name be if you were born today? My name would be Zoie if I were born today, thus ensuring I would still resent my parents for giving me a name completely unsuited for adult life even if I were born today. Thanks Mom and Dad! (Back story on this: My name is not the reasonable Katherine you might assume. It’s Katy. Just Katy and spelled with a “y” at that. Super cute for a four-year old; a little weird for a 54-year-old. Or a 24-year-old trying to be taken seriously on the job for that matter. Having said that, this site is addictive. My 1930s name would be Margarite. Now that’s sexy. My 2000s name would be Betsy, yet another “That’s a nickname, not a name!” name.
- However, let’s move on. I am born already, so What natural disaster is most likely to kill me? Probably none. But what’s the chance of an earthquake happening today? Baby, it’s 100%. Also, for real – if you live in the Pacific Northwest, you better check out this New Yorker article and make peace with your God.
- And of course, how old will I be when I die? I always get 91. Always. So I have added this bonus 11th question because I have started to actually get a little worried.
- What should I do if I outlive my retirement savings? Basically, I need to be really good to my kids. I love them so much!