A few years ago, the New York Times published an article called To Fall in Love with Anyone, Do This. Apparently, you could make anyone fall in love with you if you simply shared the answers to 36 questions while looking into each other’s eyes. The essay went viral and was read by approximately 8 million people, which lead to a follow-up article listing the questions, an article about the impact of the article, and, of course, an app.
I don’t know if asking each other a series of questions can really make you fall in love with someone again, but I do know this: when you co-parent with someone for many years, it’s very easy to fall into a trap of talking only about the kids. Who needs to drive them, who needs to pick them up, how are they going to get into college, what college should they go to. Honestly, you can talk about your kids 24/7 without realizing that’s what you’re doing.
And then your child is gone and your nest is empty and you suddenly realize you don’t even really know the person you’re living with.
A lot of marriages enter into a crisis at this point because people make the assumption that feeling like they’re married to a stranger is a sign that something is wrong. But perhaps you just need to spend some time getting to know each other again.
That’s where these questions come in. They’re designed to be conversation starters so you two can really spend some time sharing your thoughts. They cover a variety of topics: from funny to deeply serious, from dreaming about their perfect day to reliving your biggest disappointment.
- When to Ask These Questions for Couples
- How to Use These Questions for Couples
- What if My Spouse isn’t On Board?
- 100 Questions for Couples
- Questions to Get to Know Your Spouse
- Questions about Their Childhood
- Questions about Life Satisfaction
- Questions about Career
- Questions about Parenting and Family Life
- Questions about Our Relationship
- Questions about Sex
- Questions about Friendship
- Questions about Money
- Questions about Travel
- Big Philosophical Questions
- Questions Just for Fun
When to Ask These Questions for Couples
These questions aren’t designed to be asked all at once. Instead throw out a question every now and then. There are a few ways you can do this.
- Print out the questions and keep them in a jar. Take turns pulling out a question each night to discuss over dinner. You can download a printable copy of the questions for this.
- Keep a copy of the questions on your phone so you can discuss one or two on long car rides. We’ve also got a mobile-friendly version of the questions you can save to your phone to make this easy for you.
- Have an at-home date night with takeout, a bottle of wine, and one or two questions for each of you.
How to Use These Questions for Couples
- Ask questions even if you think you know the answer already. People change and even memories change over time. Your spouse may have had one answer five years ago and a different answer today.
- Always ask follow-up questions such as “Why” or “Tell me More.” I didn’t put the obvious follow-up question, “Why?” at the end of each of these questions, but you should always follow-up by asking more questions. If your husband answers the question, “What’s the last movie that made you cry?” with “Field of Dreams” (men just love that movie), ask him what part of the movie made him cry and why and if it reminded him of some part of his own life. The point of these questions is to use them as a starting point for a conversation.
- Put the focus on the person answering the question. I’m so guilty of this. If you really want to use these questions to get to know your spouse better, then take the time to listen to their answers and ask follow-up questions, rather than using the questions as a jumping-off point for your own answers. (You know, “What’s the last movie that made you cry?”, “Field of Dreams”, “Oh, interesting, for me, it was ‘Room.’ That was such a good movie.”)
- Listen without Judgment. You may be genuinely shocked by an answer. If that’s the case, listen and ask questions without judgment. If something truly bothers you, you can bring it up later in a separate conversation.
What if My Spouse isn’t On Board?
I feel you. I’m the type of person who adores a good magazine quiz, but if I were to suggest something like this to my own husband, who is a kind and wonderful man, he would roll his eyes SO HARD.
Nonetheless, there are still ways to bring a reluctant spouse on board.
- Start Small. Maybe don’t jump into “Have you ever been bullied?” tonight while eating dinner. But perhaps “Who would play you in the movie of your life?” would spark a fun conversation.
- Don’t Announce What You’re Doing. If you think you might meet with resistance to the idea, don’t announce that “we’re going to start asking each other questions now.” Instead, ask a few questions. If those conversations go well, you can show them the list and ask if they want to play the same too.
- Don’t Push It. Some people just resist questions. If, after several attempts, your spouse still resists your efforts or just gives one word or very short answers, let it go. As I mentioned, my own husband would be horrified and run out of the room if I asked him some of the questions on this list. If that happens to you, just let it go. It isn’t a sign that you have a terrible marriage, I promise. These questions are just meant to be a tool, but they aren’t the only tool available.
FREE BONUS:Download printable versions of these questions now!
100 Questions for Couples
Questions to Get to Know Your Spouse
- What’s the last movie that made you cry?
- What’s the best book you ever read?
- What do you want on your tombstone?
- What place always makes you happy?
- If you could live during any other time in history, when would you live?
- If you could pick one thing to be really good at, what would it be?
- What was the happiest year of your life?
- Have you ever been bullied?
- When were you most proud of yourself?
- If you could go back in time, what’s one thing you would tell your 25-year old self?
- What’s one thing you really admire about yourself?
- When was the last time you laughed really hard?
- What’s the best meal you ever had?
- What celebrity or famous person do you admire the most?
- What’s the best advice you ever received?
- What is something you love doing so much that you lose track of time?
- Would you want to be young forever?
- What would you do if you found out you only had a year left to live?
- If you went back to college to study whatever you wanted, what would it be?
- What’s the best gift you ever received?
- If you had a day where you could do whatever you wanted, what would you do?
- Whose death affected you the most?
- Tell me about a time you were really scared.
- What’s your biggest fear about getting older?
- What’s the toughest thing you’ve had to do in your life?
- What person has been the biggest influence on your life?
- What’s the angriest you have ever been?
- If a crystal ball could tell you exactly when you were going to die, would you choose to find out?
Questions about Their Childhood
- Were you closer to your mother or your father growing up?
- Were you close to your brothers and sisters growing up? How about now?
- Who was your best friend growing up?
- What was your favorite subject in school?
- When you were little, what did you want to be when you grew up?
- What is your first memory?
- What Christmas present did you really want as a kid that you didn’t get?
- What did you learn as a child that turned out to be completely not true?
- Who was your first celebrity crush?
- Who was your first real-life crush? Did they like you back?
- Who was your first kiss?
- What was your favorite hobby as a child?
- What was your favorite thing to do with your friends?
- What was your favorite TV show?
- Did you have any pets growing up?
- What subject did you absolutely hate in school?
- Who was your favorite teacher growing up?
Questions about Life Satisfaction
- What excites you about life right now?
- What is causing the most stress in your life right now?
- What’s the one thing you would say is missing from your life right now?
- What would surprise 25-year-old you the most about your life right now?
- What’s the one bad habit you would like to break?
- What do you wish you had accomplished in life that you think it’s too late to do now?
- What part of your life right now brings you the most joy?
- What three things do you need in your life to feel happy?
- What’s your biggest fear about dying?
- What do you want your life to be like in 5 years?
- What is your biggest worry about the future?
- How have your goals changed in the last 10 years?
- What was the happiest age of your life?
- Describe your ideal day.
- What is your biggest regret in life?
Questions about Career
- What’s the worst job you’ve ever had?
- What would you do for a living if you could do anything?
- What would you change about your job now if you could change only one thing?
- How do you feel about your job right now?
- Who was the best boss you ever had?
- What was the best job you ever had?
- What was the most fun you ever had at work?
- Knowing what you know now, would you still go into the same line of work?
- What’s one lesson about life you’ve learned through working?
- What career goal did you have that turned out to not be important?
- What career goal have you still not achieved?
- When do you want to retire?
- What do you picture your retirement life looking like?
- What’s something you wish you had known before you started your career?
Questions about Parenting and Family Life
- Do you think you’re a better father/mother than your own father/mother was?
- What parenting lesson do you think you learned from your own father/mother?
- What was your proudest moment as a parent?
- Who do you think our child resembles most – me or you? (Ask for each child.)
- Do you think you were a success as a parent?
- What would you like our family life to be like in 5 years?
- What family tradition would you like to see our family continue?
- What family tradition would you like us to stop?
- What’s your favorite memory about our kids growing up?
- What’s the one piece of advice you wish our kids had listened to?
- What would your ideal home look like?
- Where would you live if you could live anywhere?
- What would you change about where we live now if you could change only one thing?
Questions about Our Relationship
- What do you think we could do to add some more fun to our life?
- What do you think I want most from you?
- What’s one small change we could make to improve our relationship?
- What’s one thing about your parent’s relationship that you really admired?
- What’s your favorite thing about me?
- What do you remember the most about the day we got married?
- What do you do that you wish I appreciated more?
- What advice would you give a newly engaged couple?
- What is something adventurous we could do together as a couple?
- What did you think about me when we first met?
- Do you think men and women experience love differently?
- Is there a hobby you would like the two of us to do together?
- What’s the best part of being married?
- What’s something you would like me to do more often with you?
Questions about Sex
- If I gave you a hall pass to have sex with just one celebrity, who would it be?
- What’s the sexiest scene you’ve ever seen in a movie?
- What clothes do you think are sexy?
- What’s your favorite sexual position?
- What’s your favorite kind of porn?
- What’s something you’ve never done, but would like to try?
- Do you like to role play?
- Is there something you would like me to buy and wear?
- Would you ever send me a nude photo?
- How many times a week is the ideal number of times to have sex?
Questions about Friendship
- Who is your best friend at work?
- What friend could you call to bail you out of jail?
- What friend has surprised you by changing the most as you’ve gotten older?
- What kind of person just always gets on your nerves?
- What do you look for in a friend right now? How has that changed as you’ve gotten older?
- What person always cheers you up?
- What is the most important quality in a friend?
- Is there one thing all of your friends have in common?
- Do you tend to just have a few close friends or lots of friends who aren’t as close?
- Have you ever had a friend “break up” with you?
- Who is your oldest friend?
- Do you have a friend that you feel close to even though you don’t see them very often?
Questions about Money
- How much money do you need in the bank to feel secure?
- Do you feel good about our finances?
- If you were Jeff Bezos, what would you do with your money?
- If you found $100 on the street, what would you do with it?
- What would you do if you won 100 million dollars?
- How much money do you need to comfortably retire?
- What’s something you think we spend too much money on?
- What’s something you would like to buy for yourself but think costs too much?
- How did your parents handle money?
- What is your biggest money-related fear?
Questions about Travel
- If you could go to one place in the world right now, where would that be?
- What was your favorite vacation ever?
- Would you rather travel with just us, another couple or on a family vacation?
- What is your dream vacation?
- What is the best vacation we ever took as a family?
- What famous historical site would you like to visit?
- What’s the longest trip you would like to take?
- Would you rather travel to a new place or return to an old favorite?
- Do you prefer to plan your own trip or travel with a tour?
- If you had an extra $10,000, would you rather take a big vacation or buy something for the house?
Big Philosophical Questions
- Do you think people are mostly good?
- Do you think the world will be better or worse five years from now?
- What do you think happens when we die?
- Is it more important to be smart or kind?
- Do you believe in God?
- Do you think some people are lucky or are we all responsible for our own luck?
- Do you think there is life on other planets?
- What is something you absolutely believe, even though you can’t prove it?
- Can people really change?
- Does life have a purpose? If yes, what is it?
Questions Just for Fun
- If you were going to be executed, what would your last meal be?
- If you could make a special ring of hell for people who did a certain thing, what would that thing be?
- What’s one crazy thing you would to do before you die?
- If you could switch lives with one other person, who would you switch with?
- If you could live in any other time period, what would it be?
- What superpower would you pick to have?
- What’s something you did that made you realize you were turning into your parents?
- Who should play you in the movie of your life?
- How would you describe yourself in your online dating profile?
- If you woke up as the opposite sex, what’s the first thing you would do?
- Could you survive a zombie apocalypse?
FREE BONUS:Download printable versions of these questions now!
Pin on Pinterest Now
Hi! I’m Katy and I started Midlife Rambler when my youngest child was a senior in high school. I was staring at the coming empty nest and wondering what was next for me. Does that sound like you? Then you’ll love our community of fun, feisty women. We’re looking forward to finally focusing (just a little on ourselves) and talking about all the things we enjoy: fashion, beauty, travel, entertaining, and being the best possible you.